CHRISTMAS DINNER, virtually

Love came down on Christmas

Love all lovely, love Divine;

Love came down on Christmas

Star and Angel gave the sign.

--Christine Rosetti

Star

Angel

'Mom, I finished “The Moral landscape" (by Sam Harris ) and all I can say is the church is going to go hell for sure. "

"Moomm, tell him not to say that on Christmas."

"Why can't I say that? The world is too small now for all those religion lines. The earth is my religion. Besides, We’re all going down together when the arctic melts. It’s like the Titanic. We’re fighting over religion just like they did over lifeboats -- all while entire countries are sinking."

"Oh my god, you are so grim. It’s Christmas. Moooooom, telllllllll him to be quiet."

"Just ignore him, teenagers talk like that. Just focus on the Christmas story. It is nice. It is about coming home to what’s in your heart, and beginning anew, and spending time in those sacred places of joy and hope, and laughing, and courage, and empathy. We all have those things in our heart, and so every moment you can come home to those sacred places inside of you, you'll be happy, and be a peaceful force in the world.

So, what is an event calendar?

I’m sorry? An event calendar? We were talking about the meaning of Christmas.

Yeah, I know, Grammy sent us one for Christmas.

You mean an ADVENT calendar.

Oh.

I bet I know. Everyday Joseph would give Mary a gift. COUNTDOWN to the big day. You know, the birth.

""Well, something like that."

"Why was Joseph so nice if it wasn’t even his child? Has anyone ever thought about that?"

"Does the pope wear those red shoes at Christmas? It would be Christmas-y with his white robe. I love those shoes . If I were the Pope I would wear those shoes and that robe and have a Boston Terrier named Holy."

"Who is the Pope exactly?"

"He is a sort of religious emperor, and he looks just like emperor Palpatine. "

"Son, no, he is not."

"You can google it. I saw it on Youtube. They look just alike."

"Who is Palpatine?"

"Wasn’t Tito the emperor here in Slovenia?"

"He wasn’t an emperor, he was a dictator of sort, when Slovenia was part of communist Yugoslavia. He was the leader for the second half of the 20^th century. He was a partisan leader during WWII, leading the resistance against fascist Germany. People still have a lot of respect for him here. Remember in the city museum? and at Franje Partisan Hospital?"

"Tito? I thought his name was Taco."

"Taco? Wouldn’t that be funny if the Buddha’s mother had her birthday and her baby Buddha’s birthday on Thanksgiving. That would be quite a celebration. That means two parties and a dinner. Wow. That would be a lot of work for you mom."

"What is she talking about?"

"She's only five. I think it's OK."

"Well, can you tell me about Adam and Eve? Do they have anything to do with Christmas? I've always wondered."

"Why couldn’t they have named them something interesting like, Aspen and Hyphae? "

"SStoppppp. You are so weird."

"Well, they are a man and a women in the book of Genesis, the first book in the bible. They ate this fruit that was forbidden to them, you know, they weren’t supposed to eat it, and so were kicked out of Eden by God. It’s complex, and only a metaphor. It has to do with original sin, and women as temptresses, and God as somewhat of a punishing God. I’m not sure it has any moral value or really has anything to do with any truth. "

"Truth or consequences maybe."

"What’s a temptress? Is that like women trading diamonds for sex. Like, Isn’t that what "girls trade diamonds for sex means?"

"What? What are you talking about? Where did you see that?"

"In the bookstore yesterday on Slovenska Cesta, in the English section; they had a book of everyday sayings and what they really mean.

There is this saying “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend”. Have you heard that? It said that what it really means is that girls will trade sex for diamonds. "

"Is that why you don’t wear your wedding ring anymore mom?"

"Hush. You will confuse your sister. I think what they are trying to say is ……. . . . . . . ."

"I mean, Men get dogs as their best friend, and what, we get diamonds? That hardly seems fair."

"Ok, Ok, let’s get back on target here."

"Let's just leave it at this, Christmas is about love."

And Love, is the only rational act.

T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Twas the night

‘Good night, sleep tight,’

My mother whispers near

‘Don’t let those nasty bed-bugs bite’

She chuckles in my ear.

.

‘G’night, ya moldy piece of cheese,’

My sister shouts out loud

‘Goodnight Hippolyta,’ I reply,

(her head is in the clouds)

,

‘Goodnight, son’ my father says quite stiffly’

‘See ya, gaga’ my cousin calls

‘Goodnight, Gewett’ says my little sister sweetly,

Her voice strong but small

.

Now I quickly turn out the light,

Press the pillow to my cheek.

Three years ago I never,

Would have slept this easy for a week

.

But NOW…

An unknown force doth keep me up,

Alas! I cannot sleep.

The clock ticks nearer to midnight,

My covers are in a heap

.

As 0:00:00 strikes on my watch,

I jump with terrible fright,

For a grating noise has met my ears,

Shattering the silent night.

.

CRASH! BANG! CLATTER!

I dive beneath the bed.

Several thumps, then silence,

I rub a bruised head..

.

Then I hear more scuffling,

Four slippered feet appear

‘GARRETT, I need you now!

I think Santa Claus is here!’

.

With Myrtle’s help we run,

Into our spacious living room,

Myrtle armed with a camera,

Hippie with a wooden broom

.

‘Oh, these electric heaters,’

A man’s deep voice groans.

In shock we all turn ‘round,

My cousin screams in strident tones.

.

A snowy, filthy boot pokes out,

From our electric u-nit,

A bulging sack is half-thrust through,

How ever did it fit?

.

‘I really wish,’ the man’s voice says,

‘that humans still burned wood,’

Now a second boot comes through

‘these heaters are no good.’

.

With a crashing thump the sack comes free,

A man soon follows after,

He lands in an ungraceful heap,

And we double up with laughter.

.

The man freezes then slowly turns,

To see our guilty faces,

‘Erm…’ he says,

‘Just going through my paces.’

.

His coat is red, his beard is white,

It’s obviously Santa Claus.

‘I don’t suppose you have some cookies?

We nod dumbly in our awe.

.

As Hippie gets some cookies,

I’m commissioned to move the sack.

I lug it to the Christmas tree,

It almost breaks my back.

.

Several beautifully wrapped packages,

Are placed around the tree,

‘I know that one,’ says Myrtle, pointing to the biggest,

‘is definitely for me.”

.

We talk with Santa for five quick minutes

(boy, can he eat cookies,)

Then he stands and prepares to leave,

‘Thanks for helping me with these,’

.

Then with some desperate shoves,

He’s boosted to the heater,

As he disappears and I peek at my present,

Hippie hollers, “Oh no you don’t, you cheater.

.

The next morning as we gather in,

The living room to see our gifts,

Their cheerful bows and vibrant colors,

Give everyone’s spirits a lift.

.

‘But how does Santa get in?’ asks my little sister,

‘We don’t have a chimney, or a fire-place,’

‘He came in through the heater,’ I reply,

Because Ljubljana, is a funny place.

.

WINTER COMES TO LIFE and LIFE COMES TO WINTER

The transition from fall to winter came quickly here in Slovenia. And it is now officially the Christmas season. There is a 40 foot evergreen on Preseren Square, (conspicuously placed in one of those manholes with the artistically designed covers), and over 50 green wooden cubicles decorated with garlands, placed around downtown to sell chocolate, candy canes, spirits, hats and mittens, and local desserts.

Preseren Square

manhole/christmas tree stand

Winter window display

A City park

Ljubljanski Grad in the snow

We three Kings

are really well-dressed

Booths selling candy canes

River Ljubljanica, lit for Christmas

And in the usual Slovenian style, everyone is (even MORE) friendly now that they are filled with that holiday cheer.

December Friday afternoons in particular are notable for merrymaking in the squares, public spaces, and kava cafes. Wine and singing, and socializing, and music, and colors and candies, and lights, and sausages and sauerkraut, heated outdoor cafes, lots of dressy black boots and happy couples. Everything is so festive. But can Slovenes really be as jolly as they seem?

To find out, I consulted the Slovene-authored book found around town, “Questions about Slovenia. Everything you wanted to know about Slovenia, but had nowhere to ask.”

Let’s see.

What do Slovenes like to eat? Where do I get information about my family tree? (wishful thinking), Where are festivals held? What religions are there in Slovenia? (“90% of Slovenes are Roman Catholic. A much smaller number attend church. . . . Franc Rode, Archbishop of Ljubljana, now a Cardinal, recently referred to his homeland as a “sole atheist island” in the area.)

Where can I get spirits? (holy or otherwise) Why is Lake Bled so popular among tourists? What is the Slovene national anthem like? (inspiring) What is a kurent? Where do I get birth certificates or marriage results? (can anyone do that?)

Are Slovenes gullible?

Do Slovenes like to sing?

OK, Getting closer.

Here, Page 30.

What?

Are Slovenes Belligerent?

Belligerent? Slovenes belligerent? I’ve never once seen a kava café brawl. And with all that singing? And poetry? Tell me it isn’t so.

“History does not record any armed attacks made by Slovenes. They were always victims of other oppressors and though the enemy has always managed to oppress them, it failed to defeat them! One glance at the Slovene history reveals the downfall of the Frankish Empire, Avars are long gone, the Holy Roman Empire crumbled, and the Turks driven away, Napoleaon defeated, Austria Hungary and Yugoslavia disintegrated. Nonetheless Slovenes persevere despite the fact that they do not have an army, or a strong state.

In spite of its turbulent history this nation has managed to continue steadfastly in this strategically important part of Europe where routes from east to west and north to south intersect. Slovenes chose culture and art and language and folk songs over arms to be their shield and grew into a nation of poets. If the history of other nations was as peaceful as this one, the world would be a much better place to live in.”

Whew.

Another magical attraction of December in Ljubljana is the light show. Those lights just bring out the child in us all don’t they? And they take that literally in this city.

There are brightly lit snowmen in striped scarves, blinking bows and wreaths, Rudolf’s flashing red nose, and twinkling white snowflakes. Christmas is afterall about light, and magic, beginnings, and love, and human connection. So it only makes sense that a 20 foot lighted sperm would be included in the show.

“Look mom, Christmas ribbon imitating DNA.”

Yes, that is funny.

Click.

And there is a big sun. . . . and all the planets.

Click

Planets? But there are only 6.

But there’s a comet.

Click.

That is a big comet. Why is its tail so saggy?

It looks like one of those flagellated spermy things to me.

That is gross. It’s Christmas.

Well, it does, and there’s the egg.

That is not an egg. This is some extraterrestrial space show, and you all are bizarre

Extraterrestrial planet show? At Christmas?

That egg is surrounded by sperm. It is not the sun.

Where?

Click, click.

And what are those sticks?

XX XY. Chromosomes.

There’s meiosis too.

And an embryo! With a beating red heart.

It looks so pretty against that pink church.

And over there, that’s an infinity symbol.

Giant egg centerpiece, with circling sperm

Giant sperm centerpiece
with Ljubljana castle in background

sperm, egg, DNA, and meiosis

Snow covered DNA, and sperm

egg, sperm and embryo

the walkway of life

Big bang, hydrogen molecule, infinity sign, meiosis, chromosomes, sperm, egg, embryo

17th century Franciscan Catholic Church

Sperm and egg

Chromosomes, XX, XY
that male-female thing

Meiosis

Yes, only in this incredibly unique, open, and sophisticated country, would one find a giant, life-affirming sperm, egg and embryo at the heart of their annual light show. Oh, and throw in a hydrogen atom, the big bang, and an infinity symbol, all beautifully displayed in front of the pink, 17th century Franciscan church.

And whether it’s in spite of, because of, or irrelevant of the church that frames it, wouldn’t you just know it, that red heart in the middle of the embryo is blinking.

(And in actuality, the theme is irrelevant of the Catholic Church. The light show is several years old now, and is the work of Slovene artist Marko Modic, who has exhibited throughout the world.)

Quick consult the book. Is it in there?

Ljubljana light show? ……Christmas lights?……… December fesitivities?

No, I don’t see it.

OK, OK then, how about this one.

What is the best time of year to visit Slovenia?

Answer: Any month of the year.

winter cafe kava

would you like to join me?

That Most Delicate Place*

     There is a place in all of us that has remained innocent, uncorrupted

and untouched by the world.  We have to locate that most delicate place.

It is where we feel love - where tenderness and compassion arise, free from self-interest.

     This place is the hole we have to fall into - and disappear in forever.

                                                                                       from "enlightenment is (not) a secret"  by Andrew Cohen

Come on America, it’s Christmas.  Let your love light shine. 

With something original and moving.

 You know, maybe an infinity sign atop the Statue of Liberty? 

Or a giant lighted sperm over the Houses of Congress?

XX Chromosomes adorning that phallic Washington Monument?

DNA garlands around Lincoln's armchair?

And what about Ground Zero? This might be it. The answer to all that needless bickering.

A big Slovenian-style light show.

Because after all, who among us can argue with…………… life?

GETTING BACK TO OUR ROOTS

In Italy, Slovenia’s neighboring country, a tris is when three things come together in a timely fashion.

That’s trifecta for us English speakers, and today was none less than a trifecta.


It is the first sunny Fall day here in Ljubljana in three weeks, we are all sick (due to the usual fall onslaught of a multitude of kindergarten respiratory viruses), and it is the first day of our lice infestation.

Norman Doidge, MD, in his book, The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science, says that one’s mind creates its own consciousness.

Thus, this post is a created consciousness regarding our current lice situation, or as we like to call it lice infiestation.

After all, if one is going to create his or her own consciousness, it should be a cheery one.

“Achoooooooooo. Help, mucus, mucus.”

“Mooooooooooooom, wipe her nose!”

"Ok, Ok, just a moment.”


“ Blow. Again. Ok, throw it away and wash your hands. Really well.”

“Oh, wait, wait, I feel something"

"What?"
"In my head, right there. It’s itchy. I know, I bet it’s a lice. Or as my teacher told me, louse, if it's just one.”

“What?”

“You know, lice. Those little creatures. I TOLD you that I had a note about them from school. There was this 4^th grader who got in-fest-ed. They jump from head to head. They told us at school not to rub our heads together”

“That is not true.”

“yes, it is really. Why? Why are you saying it like that? Will I be OK?”


Grooming is an adaptive behavior, dating back not only to the very root of being human, but to the very root of being hair, I would guess.


As expert Anthropologists put it, “Grooming is associated with increased relationship trust, and experience of family affection while growing up. People who groom, as opposed to those who do not, are perceived to be better potential parents, more in love with the person they have groomed and more caring and committed to them.”


That’s it! Just the way to put a positive spin on this lice infiestation.
Because the only way to get rid of lice, is to wash, and comb, and comb some more, and pick, and brush. You know, groom.

Oh, and cut.

Another Anthropologist notes, “Grooming stimulates the release of endorphins, which is one physiological reason for why grooming appears to be so relaxing.”

Yes, I’m feeling better already.

But all this grooming has not relaxed the 14 year old brother of the lice infiestated sister, at all. In fact, it has caused more stress. And not just because fourteen year old boys and grooming are natural enemies.

“I just don’t want lice in my pubic hair.”

“What?”

“Son, they can’t get in your pubic hair for god’s sake.”

‘Mom, you’re a doctor, can they?”

Well, they can, but then they’re not called lice, they’re called crabs.”

“You mean like that shot glass grandmother gave us last Christmas, DEPOE BAY, NO CRABS ALLOWED”?”

"yes, just like that.”

“ouuuuuuu, how do you get those?”

“Well, not by rubbing heads together.”


As you may recall, Pharmacies here in Slovenia are a little different. Everything from Motrin, to antibiotic ointment, to cellulite burning concoctions, are controlled, and doled out from behind a big counter at government run Lekarna Ljubljanas. There is a Lekarna Ljubljana every few blocks in the city.

"Dober Dan”

“Dober dan. My daughter has lice and we need some treatment, and some new brushes and combs”

“o Kay. Vich shampoo vould you like? NIX or RID or VICHY?", handing us three brightly colored boxes to examine.”

"Hum, not Vichy, that sounds too much like itchy. Let’s try Nix.”

“And you vill need a comb? Would you like ze electric vun or ze manual vun? The electric vun kills lice with the vibration.”

“That's a hard choice, but I think manual is OK.”

"And you vill wash everything in yvour place. Beds and linens and coats and hats. Do you see? Lice infestation has the capacity to affect each member of the family .”


“Oh, yes, I see. I see it all -- clearly laid out before me. That is why we like to call it infiestation.”

I was beginning to get suspicious though. These Lekarna Ljubljana ladies seemed to know an awful lot about lice. Could this country of impeccable foot cleanliness really have a lice problem?

Could there be a head-wide lice epidemic being covered-up with a good facade of foot cleanliness?

That dreaded Head, Foot, and Louse disease?

I always knew there was more to that orange hair fad than met the eye. The ultimate cover-up.

Even our computer service man last week donned slippers. And those slippers were ingratiating. “You mean you care about our computer AND our hardwood floors?” And the washer repair man wore slip-ons too. And the school library requires them. And the Tivoli Park gym does too. Imagine, a work-out facility providing over-the-shoe black cotton slippers to be worn on the feet of all those masculine, sweaty, weight-lifting bodies. What’s next in this land of nit picky cleanliness, hairnets?


And to make matters even cleaner, there are blue hygiene gloves in the supermarkets to keep the produce germ-free. And don't tell me, zoot suits at the salad bar?

Hygienic gloves for produce at the local supermarket.

It's that socialized medicine element rearing it's ugly (albeit clean) hand again. You know, prevention (of care) is the best cure (for drug companies’ profits). After all, who wants Shigella from their tomatoes, Campylobacter from their carrots, MRSA from their dumbbells, or Onchymycosis from their spa companion? Cleanliness IS next to godliness after all. And I'm not talking about that big porcelain god.

And I bet those blue gloves of Socialism go hand and hand with social consciousness too. That is what social consciousness is for, isn't it? Protecting others from vomiting, (or oozing, or itching), while protecting ourselves too? You know, lending a helping hand ( without even having to touch a contaminated one).

At a recent Ljubljana Law School climate change talk, given by a visiting US corporate climate change consultant, there was much discussion about why the EU is so far ahead of the US on climate change policy, and why EU citizens, unlike US citizens, don't have a problem with policies and governmental restrictions that address climate change. As one of the Slovenian Law professors very politely noted, "Isn't the real problem though, that the ideologies of the US and the EU citizens are just different? ...There is just more anti-government, anti-collective action, and pro-free market sentiment in your country.



Yes, we love our individual freedom, but unfortunately for us, corporations love that idea of individual freedom too. So much so that they have cunningly manipulated that sacred idea, into a tool for their own freedom. And really, it's only fair. Because after all, we do treat corporations like individuals. We give them love, and free speech, and the right to vote, warm tax-free places to live, and subsidies, and a clear voice in government.

But the good news is, when corporations have freedom there is no need for social consciousness. I mean, have you ever seen Walmart get nervous, Dow Chemical vomit, BP clean up a spill, or Goldman Sachs die ? They just don't suffer all those ills that we humans do.

But wait, this is sickening. That idea of lumping corporations with individuals is kind of creepy. If Christine O'Donnell is not a witch, then I am not Ronald MacDonald. And that goatee-d Colonel is just plain weird.

Secretly though, I've always fantasized about a Jolly Green Giant / Sun-Maid(en) Raisin lady rendezvous.

But enough of that. Back to the root of the matter at hand. It's not the Slovenian government and it's medical schemes that is responsible for all these hand, foot and mouth hygienic measures.

It's the Slovenian corporations. The Mercators, and the MaxiMarkets, the computer companies, appliance repair services, and the large, privately-owned gyms and hotel spas. You know, those same corporations that put those customer kava cafes in their parking lots.

Because unlike in the U.S., it's not all about money here. It's only 99% about money. The other 1% is about living well, you know, that social consciousness element. And that 1% makes all the difference.

Local gym requiring over the shoe slippers before entry














In-home, and extremely polite and capable college engineering student, moonlighting for a local computer repair service. Donning slippers, carrying briefcase.

Washer repairman's briefcase and slippers

Speaking of social consciousness, I'd better get back to my grooming.

Now, how did that go again?

Wash, rinse, repeat, comb, cut, trim nails, comb again, wash, rinse, repeat.

Oh, yea, and scratch.

Cut and quarantined hair

NIX

Those lice look a little too happy.

Or maybe that’s just GlaxoSmithKline’s take on things

Would someone out there have a comb I could borrow?

I'm feeling a little itchy.