ORANZNA

I knew it, I just knew it. But the doll had made it certain.

When Brina, our apt's owner's 4 year old daughter, delivered the orange-haired loaner doll to Zue as a gesture of hospitality, it was just the evidence needed to confirm that Slovenians, when choosing a hair dye, prefer orange.

Leicester, North Carolina is a far cry from Ljubljana, and so is Sally's Beauty Supply Store on Patton Avenue. Patton is the main drag in Leicester, and Sally's sits not twenty feet off of the busy four-lane, in a strip mall, between Krispy Kreme and Taco Bell, just across from Tropical Gardens Mini-Golf, KFC, McDonald's, Wendy's, and Dairy Queen.

Like Slovenia has a high orange hair to head ratio, Patton Avenue has a high Fast Food to people ratio. And because it has four lanes, cars go very fast, and people go for chains, multiple tattoos, and unusual body piercings.

"Mom, we are going die here. You always say you don't want to die in a hospital, well I don't want to die on Patton Avenue."

"No, we're not, just stay in the car. Lock the doors."

"If we die, it will be from all the toxic chemicals; Did you smell that when that lady came out?

and did you see her skirt ?" Hollin piped in.

"Just hold you nose, and help me; and watch your sister. She MAY NOT open anything here, it's poison."

"Hello, I wonder if I could ask you a question about my hair. A few weeks ago I had some highlights put in it to cover my new grey hairs, and they turned an orange color. Then I tried to have the highlights covered, and now, as you see, my whole head is the orange-y color."

The ash blond and black striped-hair woman in a dingy white smock, looked at my hair. expressionless.

"Well water."

"Well water?"

"We call that well-water hair."

"Well-water here?" I replied, thinking the Leicester accent was confusing me.

"No, well-water HAIR," she repeated.

"You got well water, don't you?"

" I do."

"Well, you got well-water hair."

I stared at her blankly.


"Ya live here in Leicester, don't you?"

"Yes, I do, I live out North Turkey Creek."

"Yep, you got well-water hair."

"Really?" I said with a hint of skepticism, and naivete.

"Look lady, I ain't no chemist. All I know is that you got well-water hair. It's the iron metal in the soil, and you know, it mixes with things, and,well ain't you ever noticed the orange clay around here, or an orange ring in your toilet bowl? Well, that's what's in your hair."

I wasn't feeling any better.


"You see that red iron, it gets stuck onto your highlights. "

"Um, well, is there anything you can DO about this well-water hair problem?"

"Time,

or move," she laughed out loud, in a somewhat empathetic tone

"I tell you what you do. You go across Patton, to this Ingles out here, and you get you some DAWN dish detergent, and baking soda. And wash your hair real good. And then do that a few more times. That might help things. The only problem is, (here's where the moving joke comes in), it'll just get that iron in it again next time you wash with that well water."

I had quickly added bottled water to the Ingles list in my head, when she added

"Or some people try that "Well-Water" shampoo. It don't do much, but it might tone you down some. Can't remember the name of it. OXIDE IRONING or something like that. It is back there on the shelf. You'll see it."

Under the guise of a homeschooling Chemistry lesson, I sent Hollin off to hunt the shampoo, while I scoured the shelves for some other potentially magical treatment.
I took a couple of seemingly relevant products to the front.

"Do you think any of these might be of help?"

"Nope"

But the words "Red Reducer", "Color retardant", and "Brassy tone eliminator", were too much to resist, so I placed them on the counter just as Hollin and Zue appeared with the 64 ounce bottle of shampoo.

And then, as if aggravated that I had gone against her product advice, the white-smocked woman blurted her final proclamation,

"I think you just need to let that grow outta there."

GROW OUT... I thought

GROW OUT?

I did a quick calculation in my head. . . .

One inch , two months, 16 inches---
That'll take two years

"That'll be $27.82.

and good luck."

A bottle of Dawn, one box of Arm and Hammer, and six bottled water washings later, those
brassy tones (obviously a euphemism for orange hair) persisted, and it became clear that I was going to Slovenia with orange hair. Perhaps there would be a salon there that "could fix it"

Now in Ljubljana people's bodily colors do not vary much. In fact,there may not be one person of color in the whole of the country, and only two or three with blond hair. Zue, therefore, really stands out.

But me, with my orange hair? I fit right in.

"See mom, it was meant to be. Your orange hair. Haven't you noticed, everyone here has it".

How could one help but notice. From day two onwards we had all noticed that while there may be only one skin color here, there are two hair colors -- dark brown, and well, orange. Not necessarily the brassy toned, well-water orange, but orange nonetheless.

Older women, young alternative women, realtors, ritzy women, law students, school principals, and professors. They all like orangey-brown, or even downright oranzna, hair.

And as if just looking around wasn't enough to confirm this oranzna hair phenomenon, last week during the masquerade days of winter carnival week, more eveidenced surfaced when there was clearly a majority of oranzna colored wigs. And, for the children, Pippi Longstocking, with her orange braids, topped the list of costume favorites.

But still, it was hard to completely trust one's own orange hair instincts when in another culture.

Especially, when one's own hair is orange. Was it just wishful thinking?

That is why when the doll popped out of that MERCATO bag, and IT TOO had orange hair, there was no longer any doubt.

Whether it is fad, fun, or fundamental,

it is a fact:

Slovenia has a disproportionately high number of orange hairs per capita.

The bad news is: that doesn't bode well for "fixing" mine while here.

But maybe that's for the best. Because as we all know, when you're in a hole, and it's a hair-hole, not a well-hole, it's best just to stop digging.